Random Babblings of a Lunatic - Issue #5
Column by: The Loony Guy on 07/07/2003

I'm an axe grinder, pile driver
Mama says that I never, never mind her
Got no brains, I'm insane
The teacher says that I'm one big pain
I'm like a lazer, six string razor
I've got a mouth like an alligator
I want it louder, more power
I'm gonna rock it till it strikes the hour


Greetings one and all from the Saint Von Raschke Home for the Wrestling Insane. It is time yet again for another repulsive edition of "Random Babblings of a Lunatic". We are fresh off RCW's Independence Blast 2003 and what a night it was! The fans in attendance had a literal BLAST and the Haters on the other side of town are bashing so it has to be called a success! I know I thought it was a GREAT show! Let's recap with The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly:

The Good:

We have a new Heavyweight CHAMPION! After defeating Dirk Extreme, Randy Allen, and Sean Casey in a "Fatal 4-Way", Vile is the King of the World right now and what a victory it was! Vile gave Dirk a "Vile-Driver" that nearly drove him through the mat! It hurt just watching it! After IB (Independence Blast), Vile has emerged not only as Champ, but as a true bonafide Main-Eventer! 2 words.... Freakin' Awesome! Vile earned every bit of that Title!

Beautiful Bobby L. Is Da Man! Wait, maybe "Man" wasn't the right verbiage, but Bobby once again put on a heck of a show! His match with Meco was an excellent match for the fans! The match was all over the building and then it went outside of the building! You could see the walls shaking and thumping from the outside in and when they emerged, Bobby was busted wide open! Someone please pass the Lysol!!! Bobby also was busted open in the Battle Royale to determine the 4th spot in the Fatal 4-Way that Dirk won. I have never seen so much blood & gore since Cactus Jack beat Terry Funk in '94 in a Death Match. You think I'm exaggerating but there was blood everywhere! I predict before 2003 ends that Bobby L. Will not only establish himself as the Top Heel in this area, but will become another genuine Main-Eventer along with Randy Allen, Vile, & Trik Nasty (if he isn't already)!

WHO THE HECK WAS THE MONSTER IN THE BATTLE ROYALE?????? I didn't catch his name, but an unknown was entered who dominated and looked ferocious! I'm talking about the guy with the shaved head and the Denim shirt with the sleeves ripped off! Please Phoenix, tell me who he is! Is he under contract yet? Will we see him at the next event?

The whole event started off with a dramatic win by The All American Shawn Parks over 3..count them...3 Russian punks who bad-mouthed our great country following the playing of The Star-Spangled Banner! You had to feel goose bumps when Shawn raised the Stars & Stripes high above his head!

Others who shined (but not limited to) Meco who showed that he can get it going, JT has improved a lot the past 2 matches, Dirk looked like he is back to his old self, ready to make a run for the Title, and The Zodiac (The Asylum's Favorite Wrestler) was on top of his game. There were other's but time to move on.

The Bad:

WHERE THE HECK WAS DUDE ROCK & THE ROCK SHOP!!! Mind you, Bobby's edition of The Beauty Shop was good, especially when he was given a Barbie Doll by a couple kids in the audience, but Dude RAWKS and he was greatly missed! I gotta put this in the Bad section!

I missed having music played while waiting for the show to begin!

No, Trik Nasty wasn't bad, but I have to write this here because Trik needed to defend his Extreme Division Title! I don't know if his Title was on the line or not (the Ref hoisted it up like it was, but it wasn't an Extreme Match) but Trik seemed a little laid back. Maybe it just seemed like it because his match at Injection is a candidate for Match of the Year and topping it would be tough! I have to put Sean Casey in that category too.

Sometimes you gotta call it right down the middle! I am a big fan of Syren but the match with her teaming with LOD against MIB & Minimind was ugly! The bad guys did good, but the good guys need a little ring work!

The Ugly (or Funny):

Where did you dig up this "Precious" Nerd up at? I mean, he could really work the crowd and he wasn't bashful. He even knew something about how to wrestle but did you take a look at him!!!! He reminded me of when Adorable Adrian Adonis came out in his frilly pink dress (you youngsters probably don't have a clue who Adonis is do you?)! Funny.. Yes! Ugly... OH YES!!!

Meltdown breaking the steps going up to the ring! That alone was worth the price of admission! Can you say "Life Center"?

Mastermind! What can I say? He's ugly! He has an ugly security force, he wears an ugly suit, he drives an ugly car, he has an ugly haircut! He had to be an ugly baby! He has a heck of a stable of talent he manages and he knows how to use them, but the guy is U-G-L-Y!!!!

Random Babblings:

The next RCW event will be in Portsmouth at the old Armory on July 18th and it is called "Tag-Team Genesis". I think this will be a very important event for RCW, perhaps their most important to date. Here's why...RCW has already established itself as the premiere Federation in the West Union/Manchester area. RCW has had only 1 event in the Portsmouth area. Their chief rival Fed has just come off of a premiere show that was HEAVILY promoted and they pulled out all of the stops to get a foothold of this area as the dominate Fed. The numbers that show up isn't as crucial (except to the owners wallets) as the contents of the show. In other words, RCW has to put on the show of their life! My own opinion is RCW has the best talent and storylines but more than that, they are a real Wrestling Promotion without the emphasis on Goofball Clowns (yeah, that was ridiculous), Idiotic Superheros (I still don't believe they did that Hulk thing), and more fluff than stuff! This is where the intelligent fans of REAL Wrestling need to support RCW because if we ever lose them, you know what will be left in this area and that's a scary thought! We're all Free Agents and can support either or both Feds. I choose to support RCW because they Numero Uno! I can't wait to hear more about this next event!

Hey Phoenix, I vote you consider a new Slogan! The old one says, "The Revolution Has Begun"! Yes, the Revolution has begun but it is now in full swing and growing!

Have I mentioned yet that WE WANT A BRA & PANTIES MATCH?!? And not with Bobby, Meltdown, or Masterwhined either! I mean with HOT CHICKS!!!!!

Kris Ault is selling XWS Kona shirts on the message board! I know you will want several (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!)

A big "THANK YOU" to everyone who worked the charity car wash at Wal-Mart before IB! You are good people!

Speaking of Fund Raisers & Message Boards, you could hold an event where you could put Truth in a dunking booth or pie-throwing booth, seems everyone wants a shot at him. Or better yet, put Syren in a "Kissing Booth".

Who was the new Ring Announcer? I thought he did an excellent job! Nice haircut too!

I never thought cold pizza from off of a trash can could taste so good!

Kudos to The Prisoner on his first column! I hope another is soon coming!

Anyone want to buy an old Pontiac Sunbird real cheap?

Finally (I bet you are glad to hear that), we at the Asylum have decided to commemorate the 1st anniversary of RCW this November with our own awards. We will be voting until November 1st to award the coveted "Loonys" and "Suckys" awards on such categories as: Favorite Wrestler, Biggest Heel, Best Manager, Best Tag-Team, Match of the Year, Most Memorable Moment, Worst Wrestler, Worst Match, Most Embarrassing Moment, What Local Wrestler would you like to see come to the RCW, & more. We wanted to invite everyone to give us your votes too after the summer is over. Any votes, feedback, hate mail, credit card numbers, or secret admirer notes can be emailed to:

randombabblings@rcwonline.com


Thanks and I'll see you at Tag-Team Genesis July 18th at the old Armory in Portsmouth!